Congratulations On Everything by Nathan Whitlock

Author:Nathan Whitlock
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ECW Press
Published: 2016-05-01T04:00:00+00:00

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At the Shack, on his eighth bourbon, Jeremy announced to Glenn and Phil that he’d figured out how to eradicate the shittiness of the world. It was simple: everyone had to forgive everyone else. Just like that – a one-time, all-encompassing round of forgiveness to wipe the slate clean.

“What if they dig out another Nazi war criminal?” Glenn asked. “What happens then in this new world of forgiveness?”

Jeremy waved his hands to dismiss all these objections – they were getting lost in the details.

“It’s a one-time offer. If, after everything is forgiven, they still go out and be all Hitler, then fine: we throw away the key.”

He reached for one of the keys on his belt and nearly tipped over. Glenn caught him, and with the help of the bartender, got him downstairs and onto the couch in his office. He awoke there the next morning, covered in a coat from the lost and found. His grand idea had reversed itself in the night: now, instead of forgiveness, he wanted judgment, blood, the sky in flames, a great sword the size of highway cutting in half the guilty and innocent alike. The feeling lasted until he was able to wobble his way upstairs, make coffee, and fill a pint glass with grapefruit juice. When Tyler arrived, he requested a fried egg on toast and a large slice of fridge-chilled watermelon, and asked that the cook not play any music for a couple of hours.

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